I used my groupon at the habitat restore.  That place can be a gold mine IF you know what you need and its sort of like a home improvement TJ Maxx LOL  so I picked up the paint for the bathroom cabinet and the tiles to fix in front of the main door.  Then I grabbed a floor mat and a light that I will have hung  over my sink.   I spent 14 cents.  YUP because of the coupon for groupon it was free.  So what would have been $20.14 ended up being 14cents. I'm good with that LOL

lots of progress has been happening.  Lots of it is stuff that you can't really see as its plumbing and electrical.  But that stuff is REALLY majorly important.  I have no unpacked 99% of the boxes.   Which wasn't easy.  

My other dog is now having seperation anxiety and that is creating a boatload of damage and frustration.    I am not ready to get another dog at this point but maybe she does need the company when we are gone.  Looking for more ideas there.

I need to take some time to paint more.  UGH  I am getting really sick of painting to be honest. But it needs to happen.  

ugh so the other night someone tried to break into my house =(  since then my front door has been jacked up.   This is an even bigger problem because now my other dog is getting out and roaming the neighborhood.  This morning she even tried to get into the neighbor's car.  YIKES

so sometimes its in the darkness that we see how much progress we've really made in an area of our lives. Its easy to be all positive and sure when things are going well.  However,  when the shit hits the fan is where we see if the foundation we thought we had is really there.   I knew I had made progress in many ways. I handled things last week with some tears, minimal cussing but overall with pride in things. I had some cries for help but overall I handled things.    I thought to myself hmmm you're on the right track. As much as you've been through you are a freaking rockstar!   You handled everything that was thrown your way. You took the deep breathes when needed. There was only, I think, when I screamed "I DON"T KNOW... JUST DO SOMETHING ALREADY!!"  at someone who probably didn't deserve such harshness at the time.     But then I realize too that I'm human and you don't just wake and think ok today I am Zen and shit and I will never make a mistake or revert to old ways.  What you do realize, hopefully, is that you've made progress in this journey, you apologize for your mistake and you make amends for it.

What I also realized today is that in some areas I still have LOTS of work to do.  I thought I had this body image thing way way under control.   While I'm working on dropping weight, for a variety of reasons,  I love myself and the picture's I've been in in the last few months. I see the fierce, strong, amazing woman who has not just survived but has often times thrived in the face of adversity.   However,  that "face slap" of the work I still need to do hit me this morning.  My law school's moot court is doing a fundraiser.   Big deal right?  well it is, as a former member of moot court I want to support it. I also like wearing my school shirts and really don't feel comfy in the one i have.... with the weight gain from all the meds its just not as loose as I'd like, especially if I'm wearing layers. So ok I go to order and without even thinking I click on a 5XL. Then I have a waive of panic of "will it even fit?" so I check on sizing.  Turns out I only really need an XL, maybe a 2XL to be sure for layers.      But that isn't even close to the size I was worried about being too small.  

  More work grasshopper!


that said last night I finished up 2 of the 4 panels on Bean's curtains - at least the sewing part. And fixed the broken chair. All the dishes (except dinner dishes) were done.  The boy child is eating a metric ton of food.    But I'm so very glad I did meal prep on Sunday. Its taking lots of stress out of this week. I'm overall feeling better energy wise.. not so much of a roller coaster.

this is the shower curtain Bean chose the other day.   The old school preppy in me LOVES it. 

bean's closet =) 

the wall is officially painted

the molding is painted and up on top. Now to finish the bottom part

kitchen towels I revitalized with the nesting doll fabric.  

Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to cry?   That would be me today. I woke up and my vision is not the best but not horrid either.   The pain in my head, however, is horrid. I have a call into my nuerosurgeon but its that fear that he's gonna recommend the bolt monitor. I just can't handle the thought of 1 being in the nueroICU for at least 3 days (more likely 4-5)  and 2.  becoming an official bowling ball because that would be the 3rd hole in my head.   I just keep thinking deep breath and one step at a time.  Part of my stress is that I get ahead of myself at times.   So there is so much to process and deal with right now.   I want to scream and cry and neither is helpful for my head pain level.  

In such I have decided that I need to focus on this week and the goals for this week.  Just this week.  So that said my goals for the week are to:

3x workout and 2x pt. Also pack lunch and snacks daily.  Remember my water bottle.  
I need to get ideally 2 orders ready to ship by next Monday.
 House wise... 2 of the following before sat. 1. Fix chair 2. Paint rest of molding for kitchen dining room 3. Unpacked linen boxes 4. Get the shortbread paint retinted

but first to get this pain under control so I can function better.    Oh but I did remember my yummy lunch and snacks today (the water bottle came up when I got to the office and realized I didn't have mine here).

so part of my getting settled is enjoying things that have been put away for long periods of time that I haven't been able to enjoy. They make me smile.  My little ice cream dishes have been unused in our home for a while and last night I pulled them out.   Even the kids were excited to use them. =) 

so a while back a friend, who  was in Japan stationed with her husband,  sent us these little molds. You use them for rice or in this case eggs. I had also gotten the boy child the one to make square eggs for Christmas.  this was the first time we used them.  OMG how fun are they? it was so cute to then eat my hard boiled eggs for breakfast this morning. The joy of the square one is that it evens out the white part and you get white and yoke in each bite.  Plus they fit in the baggy so much better.   

Alot of things are swirling around in my head right now.  Its was a VERY stressful week last week and I'm grateful to be able to slowly catch my breath.    A couple of things come to mind as I do and for me they are important. Amoung them is the word "strong".  This word means lots of things and on first glance and I never considered myself strong before.  But when I think of, mostly cause it got dragged back up so much on tuesday, I think strong is one word to describe.  Strong isn't not crying or whatever you need to do. Strong is in the regrouping after something knocks you down or for a loop.  Strong is in not stopping because someone says "you can't".  Strong is in facing your fears.     I have many fears. Part of having a shunt in my brain is that it comes with risks and fears. Its not perfect but its better than it was before I had it placed.    Each day I wake up I make a choice. Sometimes its not a conscious type of choice but either way it happens.  Each day I wake up determined to make a step forward, to get up and go.  Each day I face my fears and refuse to give up. Each day I do that I win.  Each time I do that I show that I am strong.  


So I now have a working washer and dryer. I am so grateful. I also have a bathroom sink that works.  We put the molding up in the kitchen and I love it.   Slowly rooms and things are getting done.   Sometimes this is hard because I want things done already. I had hoped it would be and that's hard/frustrating.   But it is what it is. What makes me so happy is that when people come in to my home they feel at ease and at home.  They see me in the decor that is happening. They see Bean in her decor picks.  

That said.... the rubber ducks for the bathroom we just aren't finding.  So tonight at Target Bean decided on a shower curtain that is whales. Its very old school preppy.  But its adorable.  So that is the theme that we will go with. =)    Its great to her rationalizing or talking through her choices for things.    Tonight the house smells so yummy since I baked bread, made chili and soups.    But I'm exhausted and my vision in my left eye is pretty grey so tonight rather than riding my bike, which I now have hooked into the trainer stand, I am going to rest.  

This week has been so hard.  today we had to say good bye to our sweet old lady, Isabelle.   My heart aches but it was the right thing to do.   Between that and a few other things this week going on...  I have been rather off my updating. I actually haven't done a ton of stuff on the house and renovations this last week.

 but one of the things i did do was "decorate" my pantry doors.   I learned ages ago that if you use liquid starch on cotton fabric you can then apply it and it sticks. Sort of like a wallpaper without the glue mess.  

So into the bowl the strips went and soaked them  

 thank you pampered chef little scrapper thing to help me press out the air bubbles.

 and YEAH!! I love it!  I am gonna do the little knobs bright red like the handles on the cabinets.   The screws though aren't right and they are all floppy so I'll need to grab some new screws soon. 

during all this craziness and with all the stress.. I got this text from my son.  It certainly helps my heart

UPDATE after the weekend =)
Kitchen and dining room area:
get refrigerator (have, need to still double check the floor under where it goes before moving it into its spot but its up and running) DONE
paint (just need to finish the cabinet doors and the moldings) DONE
address the ceiling tiles DONE
level the counter
tile the counters
fix the moldings
need window sills
secure the fan and get it the bulb covers/globes
replace/remove the weird light on the wall in the dining room area
wash the floor (several times already LOL)
contact paper the kitchen cupboard shelves (done)
hardward for cabinets (done)
make and hang curtains (done)
garbage disposal (it was just hanging live wires.. its at least safely capped for now and will be reconnected soon)
recover the seats to the chairs and fix the one that was broke in the move
make the pantry bigger/most functional for me

Living room:
rehang the door
address closet door (there isn't one)
fix the vents
flooring
the weird "hole" for TV
door molding
paint
couches (just need to pick up from Catt)

Master Bedroom and "bike room":
knob for door to hall
PAINT!!!
vents in floor
flooring
overhang btw rooms
close off sockets properly
water heater doors
water heater issues
molding around windows
move wall that is shared with the boy's room (done)
make and hang curtains
paint/get new door with wierd semi scary painting on it

door to dining room - sprayed with bleach to address potential termite issue (done)

Boy's room
knobs for dresser
door to back yard (unscrewed shut and painted now)
paint
flooring
fix vent
need lighting (done)
holes in wall
need rug
artwork (purchased most of it)
building nightstand and lamp
Curtains (partially done)

Bean's room
flooring Done except 1/4" round
all new subfloor (done)
paint (done)
repair ceiling fan (done)
fix glass in window
closet shelves
cover outlets
make and hang curtains (valances are done and hung)
frame mirror
rug - working on it
cover electrical box
frame windows

bathroom/laundry area
remove laundry shelf (done)
tub spout and faucet (done)
floor done
fix vent wall area (done)
tile at tub base
light in bath area needed
toilet paper holder needed
make linen area
hook up washer and dryer (since we flipped them from where the vanity was before the drain for the washer still needs to be done)
framing on mirror
create new wall so there is a hallway

long hallway
panelling issues
outside door access
rehang heater area doors
flooring
smoke detector (needs to be hung)
curtains
light
chair railing
screens in windows
window sill installed

Porch
clean it out (done)
window issues
door frames
tear out carpet
would love to get a bench with storage for shoes, hats/mittens/etc

outside
add porch railing
clean up (working on)
lock on shed
timbers on flower bed needs to be fixed
flowers (bought the seeds and stuff)
would love a patio set
plug for my turtle and minion
soft spots on porch
steps in back need to be fixed

take down the security camera that isn't working


we've also realized the motion detector lights need to be adjusted to shine on the steps
and the roof has some serious issues
heating ducts have been damaged as well under and aren't working so that needs to be dealt with asap.  we've redone most of the water lines now as well.   yikes

so we decided to ask our friends from round the world to send Bean small rocks, seaglass, or sea shells to frame around the mirror in her room.  

I did a bit of one line shopping yesterday.  I needed to feel like some how I was making progress... or maybe I just like when the UPS/Fedex guys come to the office to see me.

So this is what we got science is cool wall decals for bean's room

record book ends for the boy's room

chemical-structure-wall-decals-unique

rubber stamp for my curtains

wall decals of chemical structures for bean's room

wall lights for the hallwaay


rubber stamp of runner for curtains


rubber stamp of swimmer for curtains

drain covers for kitchen sink

I know today is the NYC marathon and I have lots of friends running it. And I should be excited for them but for some reason I'm not. I'm on the verge of tears because damn it to all I want to run.  But when I fell a few weeks back I did some damage to my back... possibly some very serious damage.   And I want to run.  I haven't run/walked since the medtronic team run.   My soul  needs to run... or bike or swim.  I wish my run was "easy" like before surgeries.  For some reason its just not coming like I want it too.  And its so frustrating. So today I'm on the verge of tears because of all things. I'm overtired and hurt and again I just want to have things settled and my run back.

But i'm going to try to focus on some positives though. Maybe that will help my funky mood.   So I'm grateful that the bathroom linoleum got laid last night (at least someone got laid LOL) and I'm almost to the point that I can do the stone work to cover that awful 2x4 thing in front of the tub.

 I now have to really figure out what the heck color I'm gonna paint. There is a part of me that is thinking a light dove grey would be really pretty.    The flooring is super soft and I love it.  =)  I also got the ceiling painted in the kitchen this morning and started on the rug for the kitchen area.  I will say however that letting a 16 year old and a 5 year old paint is a bit trying for my nerves.   

Oh and the trim is painted. It needs to be touched up for sure and I'm still debating if I like the color or if it needs to be a bit bolder.  

I swear that shortbread paint is just the bain of my existance in the paint world. 

So all I wanted for my own brain was to get one room pretty much done.  Well I got that and more.  =)  I'm exhausted and grateful right now.  We got the flooring down in bean's room,  all the cabinets painted and hinges done and all rehung.  The kitchen is basically done. The refrigerator is in its spot.   I have to touch up the trim/molding for the kitchen/dining room and we will rehang it soon.  We need to purchase the 1/4 round for ... ok basically the whole house.    We got the laminate into the bathroom and laundry room and I have to say I LOVE it!!  

But honestly the best thing was when R came over today with B to help me get so much done (I will be forever in their debt!!)  and when she walked into my home she said "it just feels cozy and inviting and homey."   That is exactly how I want people to feel coming into my home! 

The other awesome thing was E stopped by and dropped off the most beautiful (non working) clarinet.  She told us it had been played even during WWII.  Its just a beautiful piece and the case is amazing. I can't wait to double check and then turn it into a lamp for the boy's room.  I'm not sure what to do with the case but its just beautiful so it will get used for something.    

Lots of progress today and I'm excited.  

Its a Friday night and its been one heck of a week.  I am mentally preparing myself for next week as well.   Its weird to me how I'm getting more and more of the pieces of my puzzle (so to speak) put together and yet my ex husband seems to keep needing/wanting me to handle his crap.  Some how I'm made to feel guilty or I'm the bad guy when I can't... or simply don't want to do something.  This weekend his crap means he drops the ball and I have to change my plans.   Its just really frustrating. I am trying to coparent but its draining and its leaving me without even a chance to catch my breath. And I think what happens when I get to add back in my working out?  how is that gonna happen?  =(
So anyways its Friday night and I'm such a party animal that we went grocery shopping and came home and I had a beer and the kids and I ate pizza rolls for dinner.  Yup I totally ditched the responsible parent thing and we had pizza rolls, the kids had soda and I had a beer. (by the way "blithering idiot" is a strong but good beer).

After dinner I touched up the cabinets and did another coat on some of the cabinet doors and touched up the edges on some of the others.  I am bound and determined to get them rehung by the end of the weekend. I also did a bit more sewing on the piano key valances.

 I just need at least one room basically done by the end of the weekend.  I don't mind a few little things here and there for it but honestly just one room done!  I think the easiest/closest to that point is either the kitchen/dining room or Bean's room.   In some ways if things fall into place we could get them both done.  I know for sure that I will have at least 2 people here who have already helped get tons done.   (hopefully at least a third as well) And ideally the washer/dryer hooked up and able to be used.   This laundromat thing  is getting way way old by now.

I also managed to get a couple friends who have some maps that I can have. I'm planning to use them to cover the yucky shelves that are built in in Bean's room.  Just need to pick them up.

Forward we move..... with fingers crossed.  

So I thought I would share with you all my "master things to do list" that I started with by room and where we are at with each thing so you can see how far we've come since I took possession the first part of Sept.

Kitchen and dining room area:
get refrigerator (have, need to still double check the floor under where it goes before moving it into its spot but its up and running)
paint (just need to finish the cabinet doors and the moldings)
address the ceiling tiles
level the counter
tile the counters
fix the moldings
need window sills
secure the fan and get it the bulb covers/globes
replace/remove the weird light on the wall in the dining room area
wash the floor (several times already LOL)
contact paper the kitchen cupboard shelves (done)
hardward for cabinets (done)
make and hang curtains (done)
garbage disposal (it was just hanging live wires.. its at least safely capped for now and will be reconnected soon)
recover the seats to the chairs and fix the one that was broke in the move
make the pantry bigger/most functional for me

Living room:
rehang the door
address closet door (there isn't one)
fix the vents
flooring
the weird "hole" for TV
door molding
paint
couches (just need to pick up from Catt)

Master Bedroom and "bike room":
knob for door to hall
PAINT!!!
vents in floor
flooring
overhang btw rooms
close off sockets properly
water heater doors
water heater issues
molding around windows
move wall that is shared with the boy's room (done)
make and hang curtains
paint/get new door with wierd semi scary painting on it

door to dining room - sprayed with bleach to address potential termite issue (done)

Boy's room
knobs for dresser
door to back yard (unscrewed shut and painted now)
paint
flooring
fix vent
need lighting (done)
holes in wall
need rug
artwork (purchased most of it)
building nightstand and lamp
Curtains (partially done)

Bean's room
flooring
all new subfloor (done)
paint (done)
repair ceiling fan (done)
fix glass in window
closet shelves
cover outlets
make and hang curtains (valances are done and hung)
frame mirror
rug
cover electrical box
frame windows

bathroom/laundry area
remove laundry shelf (done)
tub spout and faucet (done)
floor
fix vent wall area (done)
tile at tub base
light in bath area needed
toilet paper holder needed
make linen area
hook up washer and dryer (since we flipped them from where the vanity was before the drain for the washer still needs to be done)
framing on mirror
create new wall so there is a hallway

long hallway
panelling issues
outside door access
rehang heater area doors
flooring
smoke detector (needs to be hung)
curtains
light
chair railing
screens in windows
window sill installed

Porch
clean it out (done)
window issues
door frames
tear out carpet
would love to get a bench with storage for shoes, hats/mittens/etc

outside
add porch railing
clean up (working on)
lock on shed
timbers on flower bed needs to be fixed
flowers (bought the seeds and stuff)
would love a patio set
plug for my turtle and minion
soft spots on porch
steps in back need to be fixed

take down the security camera that isn't working


we've also realized the motion detector lights need to be adjusted to shine on the steps
and the roof has some serious issues
heating ducts have been damaged as well under and aren't working so that needs to be dealt with asap.  we've redone most of the water lines now as well.   yikes

it doesn't seem like we have gotten much done when I look at this list but I know we have.

So I think part of my poor dog's issue has been her nails and the hair between her "toes" being too long.  We had that addressed this morning and to my office she came for the day.  This means my other more energetic dog is left home alone.   Fingers crossed.  

 I have also been in touch with parts of my crew so hopefully all will work out and we will get tons done this weekend.    I have also started to plan for thanksgiving at my house.   Could really use some great recipes!    stay tuned for my tenative menu.

`not gonna sugar coat it. This transition has NOT been easy.   My son is having a hard time adjusting and talking about his concerns.  To the point he mentioned at school he wants to die. =(  This is the first time hes realizing that his dad and I divorced a few years ago because my ex has always lived downstairs from us in the same house.   Im still trying to get him into a counselor to talk too.  More so than our developmental peditrician or school counselor.     I need to get this house more settled and finished asap.  It would also help me rest as well.   My mission from now (tuesday night here) thru the weekend is to paint the rest of the doors and do the touch ups on the others for the kitchen, paint the trim that we took down in the kitchen/dining room and to get the kids clothes all unpacked and organized.  These are things I can do myself.
`  If the crew can be here this weekend I'm really hoping we get the plumbing all finished ...ahh to have a working washing machine and bathroom sink again!! and the heating squared away. Oh and to have the floor under where the refigerator should be double checked (and OMGheaven forbid it need more work- I may cry if it does) and any fixing be done.  Ideally, if sweet baby Jesus, all 6 pounds 8 ounces of him, and his band of heavenly hosts are singing hallejah we can get part of the flooring laid too.  (dare we dream both kids rooms and the linoleum in the bathroom/laundry area?  
I know this is really wishful thinking in many ways. =( only because its a boatload of work and there are only so many hours in any given day.   I hope everyone knows how seriously grateful I am for everything.    (I did pick up real butter and some chocolate chips.  My kitchenaid has its home on my counter even... and the girl child did request homemade cookies- maybe I shall bribe my crew with cookies)

`My little ol' lady is at least eating and drinking tonight and a bit more playful. I have an appointment in the morning for her to see the groomer in the hopes that its her nails or the hair between her paw pads that is causing part of the issues for her.  Fingers crossed.  I can't even begin to think what would happen if that's not the case.   What will be interesting is how she handles being with me at my office all day tomorrow.  Fingers crossed some more. 

`I think I may need to create a wish list... if nothing else so I can keep track of things I still need to get.   I had been thinking that baby duck yellow  aka NOT shortbread yellow paint would be cool to do the trim but the more I think and look at my nesting doll fabric the more I think nope =(   I have decided that I'm going to recover my dining room chairs when the 'dust settles" so that they are that blue/green color like the counter tiles.   

`And the boy child has informed me I need to get cereal in the cereal boxes because otherwise its "just mean to taunt me like that".  Umm they are clear containers.. just saying.

well the hinges are now red too =)   now to get the cupboards touched up and ready to rehang.  

OPPS I oversprayed and got my porch.  

today I was working from home because ... yeah fever and just tired. =(   But on a happy note a friend of a friend needed to part ways with this solid walnut wood desk.  They even brought it to me =)  it needs some TLC but its gonna be beautiful and will make a great sewing table since when I moved here and the ex husband moved to his place.. he got the table I was using.   But this is just a beautiful piece (on its side and drawers are out of it right now... but still) and I'm so excited to now own it.

 so a friend gave me a refrigerator.  Problem is  some how we have lost the door brackets/hinges.  In calling around its over $300 for the new ones.   So finally, because of the stress and because I need a frig for everyone and I'm so sick of eating out.   So I bought another one from craigslist.  I now have to get the one with the missing brackets out.   

I was looking for another picture. One of my dog actually.  She's not doing well.   I have to remember to call into our vet and I'm gonna try a few things as well but she's older- 10 years old now and her hips are not doing good.  She's a big ol' lab mix and is a rescue.  Her life, until we got her, was not good =(   She's a beautiful sweet dog who has come so far in the 2, almost 3 years, we've had her.  When we got her she wasn't even housebroken and was scared to death of people.   Now she's housebroke and loves people.   I'm not ready to loose her to be honest.  So we are praying and gonna think positive thought for sure.    Anyways, I am digressing.   I found the picture here and I had saved it a while back and forgot about it.   But today its speaking volumes to me.  Right now my house is crazy with all that is going on but when I look at the bigger picture... we are making amazing progress already.  It feels like a home! and that's important.  Its safe as well.  Its not perfect, no house ever is, but its good.  Its on its way to being great.   Last night the one thing that stuck out to me was when my neighbor and I were talking as he was helping me.  We were talking about how the previous owner left my place and things and I basically said "I don't want to be THAT neighbor. I want to be a good neighbor, one that you feel like you can pop over for coffee or a beer and chat with. Or drops cookies off to you or chicken soup when you're sick.  I want my place nice and maintained well. I get that right now its rough and I'm sorry" and without hesitating he said "are you kidding me? You already have it a million times better than it was. You are working on it still.  And you are the neighbor we are glad to have."     This made me feel much better. I can't wait to have them over when things are further along.  Of course he's offered to rehang all my cabinet doors when I'm done painting them so he'll see it sooner because no offense but I'm not dumb enough to pass up help.  
So then I was thinking about how I haven't been able to work out. My mileage of swim, bike, run for October was really low and that is frustrating for sure. But I did do an amazing run and most of the miles were run miles.  My back and this pinched nerve are taking a toll on my training this month. I guess its a good thing I'm officially in off season. My diet/eating these last 2 weeks has overall been much better. I see a nutritionist this Friday to hopefully help nail some things down better.  But  I feel more blobish as a result of all this.   But then I'm reminded that really my tummy or that alone isn't perfect but together I'm still me and me is pretty amazing.  I think we all need that reminder.    So today I focus on the bigger picture.... the cake! Not on the baking soda or the raw egg parts.